OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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