Betty ford says i'm here all night
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Let's get the cat blown out
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
