Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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