You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
