guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
