Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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