in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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