I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
