smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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