I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'