member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses