College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
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He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.