the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.