I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.