If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude