We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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