Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
