so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
