toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
