Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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