My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Drake has all the answers
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robitsâ€
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