she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
