So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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