Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize