you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
