you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
