Just fell off a train. Bad.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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