Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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