Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
