cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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