Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
