Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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