It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
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Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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