she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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