Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
