So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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