weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
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Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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