I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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