Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
