You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
is that a dick in a sweater?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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