Me. At least after what I've been through.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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