just come out here and I will go home with you...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
