That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
