I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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