are you still at the devil's house?
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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