You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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