I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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