my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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