I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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