Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize