Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My pussy is not your playground.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.