Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,