p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.