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• (713): View more from Texas

  i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better

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• (626): View more from California

  she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.

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• (415): View more from California

  they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?

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  If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.

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• (+32): View more from Belgium

  You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."

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• (61): View more from Australia

  I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.

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• (469): View more from Texas

  So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.

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