Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
