I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
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Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
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we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that