Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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