My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
