I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
