don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
