How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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