third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
