hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
