i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
