I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
