don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
